When is "enough" truly "ENOUGH"? - the Habit of MORE........

     I don't think I'm the only one who notices, but during this time of year EVERYTHING seems to be OVER THE TOP....Decorations, Spending, Wish Lists, Sales, Sales and even BETTER Sales....Rushing around, Just one more thing....
                                                  ...... it's everywhere....and it's LOUD. 
     I don't mean the Noise, necessarily, but LOUD. CHAOS... like, it hurts my head loud.   Hustle and Bustle is an understatement.  Many seem to be so focused on finding that "perfect gift", buying way too many items or searching for the Perfect Outfit for the Party...that they forget to stop and take a look around.

     What is everyone REALLY searching for, anyway?  I know it can't be the sweater that won't fit this time next year, or the new video game which will need replacing in a few months because a newer, better version will be out.  Is it the purse or jeans or perfume you just simply must have?  No.
I don't think it is.

     What I THINK everyone is searching for is that sense of contentment. The sense of belonging. Of feeling needed or wanted.  We are creatures of habit.  We all have Traditions, many even were born out of favorite memories from our childhood.

     Have you ever TRULY stopped in the middle of a crowded store, or mall this time of year and just watched?  WATCHED? Observed.  Read the faces of the other shoppers.  I bet you'll find many of  what I did recently:

1.     The shopper with their arms so full it's clear they had amazing luck finding the perfect gift....or did they?
2.     The shopper with one very small jewelry bag, and a smile in hopes the treasures they are about to share make someone a bit more "blingy"
3.     The kids dragging along behind the grownup still in search of that perfect gift, and the visit with Santa behind them all.


This time of year EVERYONE struggles with SOMETHING.  Be certain to have more patience, more smiles, more generosity, more understanding.

These little things are much bigger than any present you can wrap.

Old Tool Sheds - New Perspectives

My oh my, I just realized it has been since September when I last posted....on the site, anyway...In my MIND, I've posted quite a few times.... Wish I could get wireless syncing between the brain and the computer...wouldn't THAT be something.!

So much has happened since my last post.  Much of it, quite stressful, heartbreaking and challenging.. However, those who know me well enough, also will quickly realize, that while I've been in the trenches, It's there that I find the most strength to fight back and return with a vengeance. Perhaps not the trait I'll put on my next resume, but a trait which I was taught growing up and has served me well, especially in light of recent events. It's the traits I learned as a child, which carry me through my days.

Growing up, I was the youngest of 6 kids, raised by Grandparents from the time I was 5. While sad in ways of not knowing my Mom (she was killed in an auto accident); I think I also got the best of both worlds.  My Grandparents, 50 and 63 years my elder, were raised during the depression...when the word "recycled" wasn't a cool eco-status word, but a necessity of life. I spent my life wearing "re-made" hand me down clothing.  Can't remember ever shopping for new clothing.  My Gram usually just refashioned my sisters clothing, or fabric, whatever she had on hand, into a new item for me.  

She cooked that way, too.   It was from her that I learned to look in a pantry, see what was available, and somehow, creatively, make something not only edible, but of substance and would feed many.
Odd combinations. Sometimes pretty nasty.  But, food. And to date, I can still do the same...although I do strive to make it edible...and yes, there are still things I cannot even begin to stomach...ie. Hamburger Helper...with tunafish....hot......aarrrgghhhhh.....

My Pop, was the ULTIMATE  "recycler".  He would put many of todays recycling -gurus to shame. Not only did he not know HOW to waste anything, he knew how to MAKE just about anything from the stuff he had in his work shed.

Ahh. The work shed.  This is the place I refer to as the Holy Grail of the backyard.
It was just a tin metal storage shed.
Nothing fancy. 
But, a wonderland of metal, scraps, tools, trinkets, screws, nails, saws, sawdust....
The smell of old oils, lubricants, dirt...
The smell of creativity just lingering....waiting to be had.

It's here that my Pop engaged my love for power tools, crafting, wood and metal.  It was HERE that my Pop would disappear for hours on end..to his peaceful spot.  A cup of coffee, an open tool shed and Pop sitting under the Grapefruit tree, enjoying the peace.

I was privileged to share a lot of his precious peace with him under that tree and in that tool shed.

Between the two of them, I was well educated in the finer arts of making something from nothing.

A trait which has served me well throughout life. 

Tough growing up that way? Yes. Not exactly the "dream".. Would I trade it? ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Growing up where and how I did provided me strength as an adult I would otherwise not have. Strength which has brought me through so much as an adult, especially over the most recent 5 years most especially the past 7 months of the year.

Does anyone wish for hard times. Heavens NO..  Do I cherish the lessons it taught me.
ABSOLUTELY.

So, for now.  During these hard times, I reflect on Pop. I take comfort in smelling old tools...hardware stores... gathering strength from lessons learned.

I know Pop would be proud.
And TODAY, that's enough to keep me going.

Dancing in the puddles

Not sweating the small stuff...or as I refer to it......trying to stay dry during the Monsoons.

In Arizona,  we are known for having a "dry heat" during the summer.  Nevermind that the dry heat comes with a heat index exceeding even the coldest day on Saturn, but its dry. 

Really. YOU never stay dry because the body's internal temperature Is fighting not to spontaneously implode,  but it's Dry heat. No humidity. 

Then, the monsoon season hits. Ahhh. Yes. Monsoons.  Lightening,  thunderstorms,  temperatures dropping 20 degrees in the matter of 15 minutes.  Cool breezes.  Monsoons don't normally last long. Sometimes,  they pull an all-nighter, but mostly,  they appear, make a statement and carry on to a new destination.

The amazing smell of the blossoming dessert around.   And for that short burst, no humidity.

In that short burst, everything is refreshed and renewed. 

In that short burst, even the darkest of clouds dissipate rapidly.

Life lately seems like a series of Monsoons.  It gets loud and roars its ugly head, making certain we know the weakness within. And then, just as quickly as it storms,  calmness restores.

And through the storms we find support and shelter.

We find friends who provide shelter for broken hearts , provide laughter and unconditional kindness.   Broken spirits find renewed strength through the eyes of one caring soul. 

What matters is not HOW we weather the storm....it's that WE WEATHER THE STORM.....PERIOD.

That we look to the end of the storm is see the renewed spirits the renewed strength that grow around us and in us.

That we cultivate the blossoming relationships around us.

And most importantly that we don't hide from the storm but the we embrace it as a positive growth.

To take time to stop, smell the rain and dance in the puddles.

New Year, New Resolutions to break...err...um....start....

I'm certain you are aware that January is the #1 grossing month for Weight Loss product sales and services. 

It's no surprise.

After all, we begin around October, with cooler weather, less skin showing, more parties to go to, events to attend, less time at the gym and far less attention paid to what we put in our mouths.

Nope. Counting calories from about October through the first week in January is relatively non-existent.

What we DO tend to notice, however, is the moods of others become, for the most part, a bit more generous during these months. Many take the time out to spend extra moments making memories with family and friends.  Others, take this time to purchase extravagant items which they cannot "justify" during the other months of the year.  Some, even take vacations to "get away".

We are a nation of not just plenty, but TOO MUCH.  Too many gadgets, inanimate objects that go by the wayside too quickly. Too many parties, too much food, too many 'THINGS'....

And, for some, this lifestyle has become their "new Norm".

However, for everyone that you see celebrating, there are just as many, if not more, whom are struggling just to get dinner on the table. Struggling to keep their sanity, their jobs, their homes, their sense of "normalcy".

Mothers forcing smiles on their faces, assuring their kids that life is wonderful. Making the best out of what they have.

Spouses, siblings and friends facing life-threatening all-encompassing illnesses, and still, somehow, they find the strength to smile and the celebrate the silver linings.

It's during these "real moments" that we find our strengths as well as weaknesses. We find how broad our shoulders get when a friend or family is down, we find how strong our spirits are when faced with adversity and we find how soft our hearts are when faced with pain  and loss.

The key to balance, however, comes when we STOP. STOP and LISTEN. To others. To ourselves. To our souls and our hearts. 

TRULY LISTEN.  In a quiet space. Uninterrupted. Through prayer, or meditation, or simple silence. We listen.  And we learn.  And all that is wrong, seems to become a bit more clearer.  For what is left unclear, simply doesn't matter.

January is a time to Cleanse and Purge.  We clean out old closets, garages and cabinets.  Donate what we can and throw out what we must.

We must make certain to do the same for our souls.

Get rid of the negative waste. Replace it with generosity.

Take time to smile at strangers. Let someone in front of you in line...even when  you are in a rush.

All we have is time. And each other.

Small acts of kindness are just the RIGHT THING TO DO.  You don't have to expect any reciprocal acts.  Just do it. Every opportunity you get.

This week, I have struggled keeping faith as doors have been not only shut, but quite frankly slammed in my face as I have been deeply involved in working a project.  You can imagine My heart was overwhelmed this week, when I reached out randomly for some advice. To my surprise, and joy, I was met in the face of this adversity, with the most loving, generous and amazing response from someone I would never have imagined.  

There are amazing people in this world.

Find them. And lose the dead weight keeping you from making a difference for others.


Pave the way for others to follow your lead.

Boxing Music

Today, I feel like I've been boxing for 11 rounds, headed to #12. Beat up. Exhausted. Hurting in places I forgot existed.


Yet, I'm still hopeful of the last round.


As any sports fan knows, ANYTHING can happen in this last round. ANYTHING!!!


Championships, Gold Medals and Belts have been won. World Champions have been born.


So, when I am at this place, call it going into round 12, or the bottom of the 9th, or the last mile- however you refer to it- I still have hope. Albeit a speck, maybe less, it's still there.


Hope. Different meaning to different people.


But yet, the Same. It's what keeps us looking forward. Ahead. Up.


It's what keeps us alive.


Growing up, my favorite boxer was well known for his quote, " Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee".....I always thought that was a great saying....and for him, it was his technique to win at boxing. And it worked well. Know when to duck, weave, jab, and throw a mean hook. He referred to training as preparing for both a physical AND mental battle.


Ali was actually "born" from a distraught. 12 year old boy, whom had his bike stolen and promised to the reporting police to "woop" on the thief when found. To keep Ali, then Cassius Clay, out of trouble, they got him involved with a trainer. That trainer set Ali on a boxing path, redirecting his aggressions and ultimately leading him to a lifetime professional record of 56-5.


And. Just when you think he's "done", the tragedy he faces in his health, turns to be the strength that others need to survive.


As for me, I am definitely no Ali. But I have learned to duck and weave. We all have to. We also learn to get back on our feet and take the hits as they are landed..... Studying each battle so as to learn SOMETHING new from it. With that knowledge, we have the ability to increase our stamina and stealthy moves. We are better equipped to recognize appropriate times to sting like a bee and when to dance like a butterfly.


I still PREFER to dance when there is a choice. Put on music that is uplifting, or music that brings back GOOD memories.


AND DANCE.


So, for today, I put the "bee" away. Realizing that there are still more rounds to face. I'm hitting my "playlist". Tomorrow, I'll face the next inning with a little butterfly on my shoulder.


AND I will DANCE.


Turn up the volume. It's YOUR turn to choose what plays.....

Boulder - Sized Pebbles.

Growing up, my brother was into skateboarding. So, of course, just 2 years younger, so was I. We built and rebuilt boards, new wheels, bearings, trucks....
I never owned my OWN board, but he had several and I learned to ride.


And FALL.
HARD.
WITHOUT HELMETS OR PADS.


That was life back then. We didn't wear helmets and pads (even though we had them). We rode in the streets. Hot asphalt to break our falls.


And, the hard molded plastic wheels were certain to seek out the tiniest of pebbles to lodge into said wheels, causing the board to instantaneously seize while projecting your shocked body with Jet force into fast forward motion without it.


We expected it. We KNEW it was inevitable. Yet, we still were in shock when it happened.


Human Nature is funny that way. We go through life knowing the cycle. Birth. Life. Death. And, still, we are at a loss. Shocked.


One of my favorite poems is titled "The Dash". It speaks to the "dash" between the day you are born and the day you die. That dash represents the way you lived your life. The impact you made on others, the difference you made while on Earth.


What the poem does NOT speak to, however, are those dang pebbles which cause your "wheels" to seize up. We all have them.


We all face hard times. Greif. Loss.Sadness.Frustrations. We all have to deal with these things at some point in life. These are the HUGE BOULDERS that sit in front of us.


Because it's part of that cycle.


But, those pebbles. Oh, those GLORIOUS pebbles..... They seem to devastate us more than those boulders.


These pebbles come in many forms.
Harsh Words.
Dirty Looks.
Ignorance.
Intolerance.
Poor Communication.
Unkind Acts
Non-Forgiveness
Harsh Judgement
Name calling.


By "Skating in and around" these pebbles, one is guaranteed to get hurt. Afterall, on the surface, none of these surprise you, do they?


You probably deal with these on a daily basis.


They aren't BOULDERS. Certainly, they sometimes aren't even intentional. But it only takes one to get stuck in your wheel to do damage. Just one.


Unfortunately, no amount of padding is going to soften the damage. And, you never know which pebble will be the one that DOES devastate you.


Look around. Guaranteed you will see someone that needs you to sweep those pebbles out of their way. Maybe they don't yet see them in their path. Or , perhaps, they just need help in picking up that broom to sweep.


Either way, be there. It's okay not to understand. After all, your pebbles are more than likely different. Acknowledge this. Be honest. But be there.


While you are here, make YOUR DASH reflect kindness and empathy towards others. Make it your mission to pay as much attention to the pebbles as you do the boulders. Others will notice. You might be responsible for changing someone else's life for the better.......including your own.

Laughing out Loud

Ever have a moment when you recall something funny and find yourself chuckling to Yourself. OUTLOUD. ALONE. IN A CROWDED STORE.
ME NEITHER!! ....




Today. I. Did. Just. That.




With all the hub-bub about Halloween Scares around...they made me reflect on something that happened here, in my own home, a few years back.




In fact, as I write this, I am giggling.




Shortly after being released from the hospital following my heart attack, I was trying to creatively deal with my memory loss.


To better help you understand, indulge my ramble......
Every day was like waking up in the movie "Groundhog Day". If you haven't seen it, Bill Murray goes through an ordeal which causes him to re-live the SAME DAY OVER AND OVER AGAIN.


As the story progresses, every morning he wakes up and has to figure out what day it is and where/who he is. UNLIKE the movie, I am not like Ol' Bill. Mr. Murray figures out how to anticipate and manipulate this circumstance to his advantage.


Every day, I would wake up. Struggle to determine what day and date it was, where I was and why I couldn't determine simple information. I would write notes at night... Only to either forget where I put said notes or ..that I even wrote such note.
  I am a fighter and am determine to succeed..... Those who know me well can attest to this fact.


So....... Once Brad went back to work... My rationale kicked in......
...if I started my morning.... Every day in the bathroom... Why not put my"notes" right there in the bathroom where I could find them.


Makes sense. Doesn't it? Right??




WWWRRROONNNGGGG!!




What I hadn't taken into consideration during my 30 minute planning session in the bathroom - In which I thought using a dry erase marker on the mirror to leave myself notes for the next day was BRILLIANT -
was that Brad would awaken to see this catastrophe, which I fondly referred to as my "work in progress".....
Brad, however, did not refer to it quite as fondly...........


In fact, he walked into the bathroom in the middle of the night and thought he'd found himself in the middle of a horror film.




Looking back, yes. It would appear as the plannings of either a mass murderer or serial killer.... Especially since I had used a RED dry erase marker...ALL OVER THE ENTIRE MIRROR!!




As I write about this, I can't help but laugh out loud. In fact, no matter where I am when this comes to mind, I laugh until I am in tears.




The good news is that my "Groundhog" days are few and far between these days. Good for me.




Better for Brad.

Halloween Costumes

OK. I know I am old-school. Maybe just Old.
Making my way through mounds and racks of over-priced, flimsy, uncreative Halloween 🎃 costumes is enough to make ANYONE drink. HEAVILY. Without remorse. REALLY.


Every year, I am in complete awe as to the "trending" costumes. I don't know why. It's not like I don't expect it. Every year, they are more money and less material. More cheaply made and less likely to last more than one night out.


So. THIS YEAR.... We went "old-school".. Growing up, it was called, "poor"...now, it's trendy to be "old-school".


Yes. The days of paying $39.99****plus plus plus...(valve stems not included) 💵 💵 💵😈 have replaced sheets and home grown costumes...... Ok, forgive me why I reminisce...
how many of you "got creative" with sheets (ghosts 👻 togas...) or curlers and bath robes or tinfoil...(don't ask, you'll never be the same)..... ??


We were actually "challenged" to be creative. Step outside the box. Make it ourselves from thrifty store finds, hand me down recycling... And just stuff around the house.


One of my favorite memories involves my brother (yes, the current motorcycle riding, gun toting, law abiding tough guy) in CURLERS. And he ROCKED THEM!!


We didn't have to be the latest "pop star" or superstar..we were cheerleaders and princesses and cowboys and Indians and Ghostbusters 👻 and firefighters..... There were tin men , lions and Dorothy with Toto.


And we had FUN!! We weren't looking for houses passing out "non-candy healthy snacks". In fact, THOSE were the houses targeted to be egged. Really. I'm dead serious.


So. Take my advice. Go old-school and get creative. Teach your kids to be creative. Take them to the second hand store and make them a REAL costume..challenge them to think.


 BREAK THE CYCLE!!! BOYCOTT the Retail Costumes. RESIST THE TEMPTATION!


And FOR HEAVEN'S SAKES MAN.....
DO. NOT. BE. THAT. HOUSE. WITH. THE. HEALTHY. TREATS!!


Make MEMORIES!


GO OLD SCHOOL!!!

I can finally breathe again without burning my Lungs!!

I wasn't certain which title would be more appropriate as I begin this.....the "Politically Correct" statement that the Arizona Summer is over...or the one that leaps from my non-filtered lips.."I CAN FINALLY BREATHE AGAIN WITHOUT BURNING MY LUNGS".......   So.....non-filtered as I am.....I choose the latter!!!
 
Those whom know me well, are not shocked at my choice.  "Filtering" was left on the hospital ER floor with the rest of my "old self" back in 2010.
 
This is not necessarily a bad thing, though, unless, of course, you are not ME!  For ME, I find it refreshing to speak my mind openly, honestly, no-holds barred....and if....or ok, WHEN I offend, it is never intentional, but it is ALWAYS honest, with the best of intentions......and, we all KNOW what road is paved with those BEST INTENTIONS.
 
For the "NOT-ME's"  in my world, it goes something like a 'Fart in Church.'  Leaves some speechless and holding their breath.....
 
Luckily, I continue to find my old filter now and again. Sometimes, a bit late to the party, but ALWAYS with the best shoes.....
 
 In realizing this, I have also realized a sense of FREEDOM that comes with it.  The "OLD ME", was always accommodating, rarely ever said NO to anyone's requests.  As imagined, an undue amount of stress came with each "YES" provided.
 
No longer do I succumb to the pressures of  being involved in 22 different organizations or fund raisers or events or causes - I get to choose what matters! I get to CHOOSE. Involved in something that begins to cause undue stress....step aside (especially if another person 'feels' they can handle it better ---by all means---take the reigns). But, otherwise,  I. GET.TO.CHOOSE.

See, part of it comes from the whole "lost my mind" gig, but most of it comes from the "age and maturity" gig.  My sister always refers to it as  the "been there, done that, got the T-shirt to prove it" mode.
 
I get to be SELECTIVE with my time and my energy.  Well, maybe 'GET' is too strong of a word. I 'HAVE' to be selective with my time and energy. I only have so many productive waking hours in a day before my mind completely shuts down.
 
Yes, most of the time, after a nap, the mind will reboot automatically......but sometimes that battery just doesn't recharge quickly enough. So, I am forced to choose.

 

However ----- ready----this is GREAT NEWS! 

Great? Yes, GREAT!!!

 
I have a new-found freedom in choosing what I WANT to spend my energy on, instead of feeling like I HAVE to be involved in it all.
 

REFRESHING!! 

 
This may seem trivial to many. However, let me assure you that the day this GLORIOUS light shines upon you - the choir WILL sing a heavenly song!  And , you will remember this post.  And you will SMILE a smile like NEVER BEFORE!

I remind my kids everyday they leave for school to "Make good Choices". I take this in stride as I try to make the same. I invite you to this challenge as well!!!

REMEMBER :  Less IS More......for a myriad of reasons.......BE Selective.  Make your actions count! ..and

MAKE GOOD CHOICES!!!!

The best laid plans of mice and men.......and a moment in time...

"The best laid plans of mice and men....".  This is a very common phrase in my life.  I plan. I plan and I plan.  And, it used to be, before the heart attack, I never had difficulty executing the most intricate plans with the greatest of ease. (or, at least that was in my own opinion).  Since that day in 2010, my mind still is convinced that I have the creativity. My mind says that I have the time. My mind says a lot of things....but my BODY and STAMINA are in complete and utter disagreement.

When I worked in the radio business, the school, and most especially at Starbucks, multi tasking was simply a daily event.  Even as I became a Mom to 3, keeping track of everyone's schedules, medications, meetings was not only natural, it was , well, really quite simple.

In fact, I can remember a time being frustrated as I trained folks. I just couldn't get past the idea, when teaching the simplest tasks, methods, and procedures, why they "just couldn't grasp it". I mean, this wasn't "brain-science" as my kids refer to it. Making coffee: take the carafe, pour the milk, put under the steamer, pull the shots, pour it over the milk.....easy peasy, right? 

What I have come to realize, is that NOTHING is easy-peasy...not for EVERYONE.  We all have our strengths and we all have weaknesses, whether or not we are aware of them.

Following the event (sounds like a party if I refer to the heart attack as an "event", right?)...the simple acts that we all take for granted escaped my logical senses.  My day of shopping, now takes an additional day to recover my energy level.  If I am working on an event, party, or intense task which involves a lot of "brain time" - don't expect any "quality" from me for a few days following.

So, I continue to plan. Plan parties, plan events, plan to clean my house and do my laundry.(never thinking I'd ever have to "plan" chores). 

Some things come out better than others. Some things are complete failures. However, even within those failures, come a great deal of success. As we experience when we are growing up, we learn through trial and error. 

This is my new norm.  Everyday, I learn something new. New to me, anyway.  I probably learned it new yesterday, or even last week. The good news, is that most of the time, these things are NOT 'life-or-death' events that I forget. There's comfort in that.

But, today, I learn it again. And perhaps, again tomorrow or the next day, I will re-learn it once more.   But, for this moment, it's new. And it's exciting. And it's fresh.


I applaud those around me. Those that have stayed the course with me. I am certain it has been difficult, and I know , that it's even been quite comical sometimes. After all, you have seen me when I'm "on" and when I'm "off".

The differences that people make in your life varies not only by person, but by their actions, as well.  When you experience a life changing event, you come to realize that not much has changed since we were little.  We still need our families, our friends. We like to feel needed and cherished. We like to laugh and have fun. We love to hug and be hugged.

The difference, however, is that now we are mature enough to make the decision as to whom we spend our energy on. And what  we refuse to waste it worrying about.

As long as I stay true, honest, and give my full energy and dedication to all that I do, for myself, my family and others, when I fail, I can honestly say that I gave it my all and tried my best and never from lack of trying.

For some, that will never be good enough, nor acceptable.  I don't much worry about these people. I am certain, someday, they too will experience life from the other side.  Only then, will they truly know what is important.

So, go out today. Know that you have the power to make the difference for someone.....if only for a moment in your time. Who knows, your "moment" may be their "forever".

SuperBowl Moments and Legacies

     Well, tomorrow is the SuperBowl.    Many people will be watching two teams play for the Ultimate Title; SUPERBOWL CHAMPIONS!    For many players, this may be their one and only chance to clench that title.  For others, if they are lucky, will see those lights again in the future.

     Players, as well as fans, coaches and family, will undoubtedly hold their breath until the game is done. History has proven itself that even when one team is sure to win, the other team takes it away in the last few seconds.

     We all have those "Superbowl" moments.  The ones that take our breath away. The moments when "anything is possible.".

     As a Wife and Mom, there are numerous memories that have taken my breath away. Moments ranging from seeing my husband-to-be as the doors opened in the church revealing his bride, seeing and meeting my son for the first time when he was 14 months old, the time he fell and broke his arm, meeting my two daughters for the first time before adoption, participating in their baptisms.

       Included in those moments, are times of loss. Loss of family members, friends.
  
      These are moments that will never be forgotten.  I am blessed to have memories of these remaining after the brain damage.  Happily, I retain many memories of my Superbowl Moments.  I cannot predict the future. I cannot bet on who will win tomorrows game.

    We also have those moments when we don't win the game.  So many times we find ourselves caught up in the moment, that we forget what game we should be playing.

     Does it really matter what car you drive, or school your kids attend?  Where you go on vacation or eat out for dinner.  Sure, we all enjoy the finer things in life, but how much do they really matter?

     One of my favorite quotes (no idea where it came from), sits on my shelf.  It reads,

"One hundred years from now it will not matter:
What Kind of car you drove,
What kind of house you lived in,
How much you had in your bank account,
But the difference that you made in the life of a child"

 

It's up to US to create our own SUPERBOWL MOMENT. Establish a Legacy.

 

What will YOUR Legacy BE???



 

Betty White Humor and Heart Disease

Betty White and Heart Disease and Strokes

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Betty White is one of my all-time favorite actresses.  Her whit and humor is spot on.  I envy her ability to throw the "innocent" remarks while keeping a straight face.  Won't ever catch me playing poker with her.  She is an amazing comedian with an amazing heart.

• What isn't funny, however, is Heart Disease. According to the CDC and the American Heart Association.  About 600,000 people die of heart disease in the United States every year–that’s 1 in every 4 deaths.¹

Heart disease is the leading cause of death for both men and women. More than half of the deaths due to heart disease in 2009 were in men.¹

Coronary heart disease is the most common type of heart disease, killing more than 385,000 people annually.¹

Every year about 715,000 Americans have a heart attack. Of these, 525,000 are a first heart attack and 190,000 happen in people who have already had a heart attack.²

Coronary heart disease alone costs the United States $108.9 billion each year.³ This total includes the cost of health care services, medications, and lost productivity

Stroke kills almost 130,000 Americans each year—that’s 1 out of every 19 deaths.¹

On average, one American dies from stroke every 4 minutes.²

Every year, more than 795,000 people in the United States have a stroke.

These diseases are silent. Please, urge your family and friends to become educated on the signs.

While Betty White makes us laugh, Heart Disease , Strokes and death is are no laughing matters.

Paintings, Matthew and Tweedle Dee.....and the one word which makes all the difference.

     There is this famous artist. His paintings seems simple enough at a glance. Serene. But the longer you stare at his work, the more it comes to life. A painting within painting. Story within a story. Nothing which was seen before this discovery, is ever seen again in quite the same light. And yet, the painting hasn't changed. It is still the same painting. The only manipulative here, is your own perspective. The angle in which you view the painting, gives it life.  If you have ever been to an art gallery, such as the MFA in Boston, you will observe people standing and staring at a work of art. Then watch a bit longer, and you will see them move angles, take a step or two backwards. And stare.  In this once serene painting, you begin to see alternate images. Meanings. A bit more clarity, even.

     In Matthew 7:15, we learn to beware of false prophets which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly, they are ravenous wolves.  Certain that he wasn't speaking of paintings, we can be assured he was speaking of human nature. The people whom intentionally mislead and deceive, for their own personal gain. Unfortunately, we all know these folks. The ones that lead you to believe that they are "looking out for you and/or your best interest.... when in fact, they have alternative motives. Mostly, their own success, or game changer.

     But then again, Tweedle Dee gives his logic, "Contrariwise, if it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic.”

So, nothing is always as it seems. Blurry vision....blurred perspective. 
In the grand scheme of life, the only perspective you need worry about is the one that keeps you at peace. True and honest. The one that causes you to treat others with kindness and respect. Respect for differences in opinion, likes and dislikes, religion, politics. 

Respect.

A simple word with so much meaning.

Where am I?

Remember those scenes in the movies....someone is awakening in the hospital...the camera is shooting from that person's perspective? You can see the blurriness that they are experiencing, and see the confusion on their face. 

I used to think this was always in the movies.  Until I awoke from the heart attack and the surgery to place 2 stents that followed.

Such a strange feeling.  I opened my eyes to see my husband. Standing over me with a very strange look, teary almost. I had absolutely no idea what was happening, nor where I was. All I could see was blur. Of course, since my glasses were not on, this probably was even more distorted than usual..but very surreal.

There, in front of me, was the face that I have known for so many years. The face of comfort and security. The face that I couldn't have been happier to see.  However, unlike the movies, when someone wakes up and instantly figures out where they are and knows what has happened, I lay there in utter confusion.

I hear my husband, Brad, telling me that I am in the hospital and that I've had a heart attack. Nope. Doesn't register. I'm tired. Can't talk. Can't keep my eyes open. Too confusing. Drifting off......

The next time I awake, it's the same conversation. In fact, it's that same conversation every time I open my eyes.  For many , many , many conversations. Days. I'm certain that my husband really wanted to smack me, after all, I would've smacked myself!

Time was gone. Reality, gone. Day was night, night was day. I'm certain it didn't help having nurses in and out at all hours...but, still.....it probably wouldn't have mattered.  Every day, my husband would write on the wall's erasable board, the day of the week and the date. His information and where the kids were and who they were with.  And every time I would open my eyes, I would have to re-read the board. Several times. Sometimes it would register, other times, not so much.

 I never forgot about my family. Ever. God blessed me with this.  Everything else went to hell in a hand-basket. But, He gave me my family back.

Some come, some go......and The Holy Grail

The one thing that I have learned through this journey, is that friendships change. I used to think that I had a lot of friends...I think everyone thinks this. But we don't. Well, let me clarify.

There are 4 levels of friendships:

1). The Pseudo-Social Friendship:  These are the people that you see and hang out with at social scenes. Could be school functions, work functions, friends homes.  You are cordial and enjoy a few laughs. But, rarely, if EVER do you socialize outside of these scenes.

2).  The Good-Time Friendships:  We ALL have these. If you think you don't, just wait.... you'll figure them out soon enough.   These are the friends that seem to always have a great time. They are just little rays of sunshine.... as long as you are aboard their train.  The minute you challenge the conductor, or the destined path of travel, that train derails. Crash and Burn. While these friendships appear as "BFF" relationships..... they are actually "BFFALAYDWIW" FRIENSHIPS.....(Best Friends Forever As Long As You Do What I Want friendships).  You know the type.  The ones that claim to be your "bestest-bestie-best" friend........ until you "piss"  them off. Then 1 of 2 things happen... you don't put them first and they freak, or, you no longer "fit in" to their "cookie cutter" ideal world. .  Either way, don't waste too much time at this train wreck. Book another itinerary. "Crisis" brings these friends to the surface.... but only short term.

3).  The I've known you FOREVER, but only keep in touch on Facebook or social media sites Friendship:  Now, I'm not knocking these friendships.  They are a GREAT balance in life. They serve great purpose. These social sites provide escape from reality... kind of like the t.v. sitcoms I grew up with.  Many of these friends know some pretty funny stuff about you... and could probably share some of your deepest, darkest secrets... but , they are friends. You enjoy the occasional  interaction. The camaraderie. Great that technology keeps us together. But, that's about the extent. These friendships can move in and out of the next category at any given time, without  penalties!

4).  The "I don't care what time it is, how far away you live, I will Drop everything and be there ASAP" Friendship.   This, by far, is the rarest of all friendships. The Holy Grail. If you are lucky enough to be blessed with a friendship like this... grab ahold with both hand and hold on with all your might. These are the friends that understand and cherish your relationship. The ones that know no matter what is going on, you will not judge, nor will they judge you. You only want the best for each other, and you don't mince words. You can be 100% true, natural and uncensored. And they will still be there tomorrow.


My heart attack, and what has followed makes it easy to see these categories. The journey to the realization that if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, it's a duck... has been eye opening. Friendships defined themselves.  Quickly. Surprisingly.

I am reminded of those wacky videos where you are watching..anticipating the finale... only to be completely caught off guard at the actual ending. Yep. Sometimes fiction is better. We never stop making friends. We never forget our old ones. What WE DO, figure out, eventually, is what our limits are. Exactly whom do we  want to spend our quality time with?  Life is short. Certainly, much too short to waste it on meaningless friendships.

So choose. Choose  wisely. Make time for those friends whom make you feel like a million bucks, they Accept who you are, faults and all, and will be those friends you will cherish. And, just because you've seen that derailed train first hand, keep your heart open to new friendships. You never know where that new friendship will go....

If you are fortunate to have a handful of true god friends, consider yourself blessed.  I've got my "Mamas", and I thank God for them. They have seen my good and my bad.... and they are still here. I am blessed. They ARE the HOLY GRAIL of friends!!

Introducing a good friend, and a few tidbits......

Our good Friend, Nancy Parks, or as the kids refer to her, Auntsy Nancy, lived in Canada. A very long way from Tucson.  Our kids had gone to school with each other, and we had become great friends. Even at a distance, it never mattered. Seemed like no matter how much time had passed, we could pick right up and never miss a beat.

I met Nancy at our kids school. She was one of the Original "Mama's" that we spent time with. Other Moms, like still-great-friend, Maggie Cotton, Nancy, and others, spent many hours together as our kids grew up.  Our oldest kids were relatively the same age, and in many cases, in the same classes at school.  This gave us all an opportunity to become good friends, work on projects and committees at school, but most of all, spend fun times together.  I'll admit, yes, we drank a lot in those days, lots of pool parties and late nights, but we all knew we could count on each other in a moment's notice. And, we were all good friends.  Always good stories to tell! And a whole lot of laughter was shared!

That friendship hasn't changed.  The night of my heart attack, Nancy was far away. But only geographically.  Nancy communicated with my husband, Brad, every day, and kept a log on CaringBridge.com with updates on my progress.  These updates allowed many friends and family, near and far, to stay posted, without having to call.  I know that Brad was already overwhelmed with the status of things, and trying to keep the kids and himself all together.  I am thankful that "Auntsy Nancy" was able to lift some of the burden of communicating from his daily tasks.

Throughout this blog, you will read excerpts of those updates.  Not only were they helpful to those wanting to keep updated, but many months, and even years later, I read and re-read the posts.  I find myself seeking understanding.  It's funny.  As I read the posts, I am able to "fill in the blanks" from my perspective. This truly has allowed, and continues to allow, me to fit the pieces together.

Some days are easier than others. Some are harder. But, either way, I have DAYS.   These are blessings. Each and every one of them.

A little about how I got here.......

Well, here it goes............

There is nothing physically stopping me from starting this blog.  I guess you can say that the intimidation factor for me is a bit off the charts. 

However, if you know me, you know that I am very determined. Determined to succeed against all odds.  I've always been a bit of a fighter.

When I was 5, my Mother was killed in a car accident. I was the youngest of 6 kids, and fortunately, also had Grandparents that took us in to raise us.  I was the "baby" , and my siblings always took good care of me....yes, I know, we were 'siblings' and yes, we fought and rough housed, but we always had each other. Common loss causes pretty strong bonds.

In school, I was determined to succeed. After High School, I met the love of my life, Brad. We were married in 1987. We Lived in a remote area of the Navajo Indian Reservation for a few years. Learned that there are so many "sides" to everyone's stories. Life depicted in magazines and history books, is not necessarily accurate. This adventure forced me to see others in such a different light. We learned so much from this journey. Our "necessities" were really "luxuries" to those we lived amongst. Really put life into perspective.  This is a valuable lesson that continues to ring true so many years later.

Then we moved back home to Phoenix for a very short time, until we moved "temporarily" to Tucson. This was 22 years ago. So much for short term!

Turns out it was the best move we made. Here, we built our home, made great friends, and adopted 3 wonderful children.

Kevin, now 17, was our first. Adopted at 14 months old, he is nothing short of amazing. Brilliant and strong. He loves to read. Everything. He is a walking book of facts...an encyclopedia on size 12's.  Focused and rational like his Dad, spontaneous and determined like me. I cannot fathom that he will be going to College in another year. Makes me tear up.

Next came our two girls.  Siblings adopted at ages 1 1/2 and almost 3.  Kiara, the oldest of the two, is soft spoken, loves to read and is pretty simple. She enjoys the easy ways of life. A trait that is to be cherished and respected.  She loves to read, do crafts, play on the computer, make videos and just "be a kid".  Kiara is developmentally delayed, so while she is physically 14, she balances somewhere in between child and teen.  This can be refreshing....and yet, at the same time, frustrating for her, as well as the rest of us.  She will do great in life, though. She has a kind heart. Loves animals and sees the good in everyone. She doesn't know a stranger...human or animal.

The baby of the family, Keelan, now physically 12 1/2, also balances somewhere between child and teen.  She is a crack up. She is a mix of her Daddy's strong mind, my determination and a generous dash of love and tenderness.  Her heart puts the Grinch's growing heart to shame. She is 50% Diva, 30% Tomboy and 20% everyday girl....She is not timid, nor shy. She is tough, dominant, hard-headed, outspoken and determined.  I am certain that these traits will serve her well in her lifetime. She has a soft spot for the "underdogs" in the world, albeit animals or people.  She will give you the shirt off of her back...er..well, her sister's back, anyway.

Life, as we knew it, couldn't have been better. That is until, September 26, 2010.  This day, our lives changed. Forever.  After teaching Sunday School, we all went for a drive in our new mini van. A beautiful day outside. Upon returning home, we all prepared for the next school day. I retired to my craft room, where, after a short time, I began not feeling well.  I had been extremely tired over the past few weeks. So tired, that I had just gone to my Primary Care Physician on Friday to find out why. Lab results showed that my potassium levels were low, and the Dr. prescribed more vitamins to combat the loss of energy.

Long story, short, I began having a strange pain in my jaw. Quick to panic, I summoned my husband to get me my laptop and get me online. Lightening fast, he did. I frantically searched the web, especially WebMD, to determine the cause of the symptoms. Having worked as a Health Aid in the local school district, I was aware of what some of these signs could mean.

After researching, I was convinced that I was having a heart attack. My husband rushed me to the E.R., which is only a few minutes away. After waiting, and testing and waiting more, the E.R. staff couldn't determine anything wrong.  They had, however, determined that it might be in my best interest to remain in the care of the hospital overnight for observation.

What happened next was a shock to EVERYONE.  I went to restroom and upon returning, shook my dozing husbands arm and informed him that something wasn't right.

Well. It wasn't right. In fact, at that moment, I dropped dead from Sudden Cardiac Death. Yep. Dead.

According to my husband, it was like a scene in a movie. Doctors and nurses running here and there, calling out orders, performing CPR on me. Right there in the emergency room.  The world was in slow motion for him.  As for me, I had no idea what was going on. After all, my heart had stopped. I was DEAD.

 God was there. No doubt. I felt Him. I saw Him. I was held by Him. He was there. In the surgeon's hands. In his heart. In the staff that worked tediously to save my life. He was there in prayer. With my husband, my family. But He was WITH ME. By my side.

58 minutes passed. Terrorizing for my husband and family. But I knew nothing but calm and comfort. Until I woke up. Much Later.

When I awoke, I was intubated. I awoke with such wonder. Such confusion. But, by my side, was my husband. Tears in his eyes, but such strength. He tried to tell me what happened. But nothing made sense. So I slept. A lot.

The days and months following were and are still a blur. Days filled with sleep, Doctors appointments, Psychiatrists, Rehab. Exhausting. But, there, around the corner, was my family. My husband. My children. My sister (who moved in to help take care of my kids.)  Friends. Co-workers. Our Minister and Church Family.

Simply Amazing.

My story is long. And there is so much to still tell.  However, from the above, I hope you will get an idea of my journey. Where I have been, and where I am still to go.